BEIRUT, LEBANON-As the cost of rocket fuel soared to $630 per gallon Monday, Middle Easterners who depend on the non-renewable propellant to power 10-kilogram rockets have been forced to severely restrict their daily bombing routines, bringing this latest round of fighting to an unexpected halt.
“The way things are going, I won’t have any money left over for other necessities, such as anti-aircraft missiles, land mines, and machine guns,” said Hezbollah guerrilla Mahmoud Hamoui, who is just one of hundreds of Islamic militants compelled to scale back their killing until rocket-fuel prices return to their pre-2006 levels.
“I admit I had grown accustomed to waking up every morning, driving my multiple-rocket-launcher to the launching site, and firing one unguided Katyusha rocket after another, even when it wasn’t absolutely necessary,” Lebanese militia member Omar Cheaib said. “But at these prices, I can’t even afford short-range launches over the border. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“A helpful list of rocket-fuel-conservation tips was issued by the Lebanese government in early June, but it was virtually ignored,” Beirut Arab University environmental studies Professor Farid Issa said. “It suggested taking public transportation to the border to launch missiles, or simply gunning down Israelis with AK-47s. Instead, Hezbollah members chose to fire rockets from the convenience of their own backyards, as if rocket fuel grew on trees.”
(full article at The Onion)
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